Grab the Lapels

The Woman in Me by Britney Speaks: my conversation with a guest

What were your feelings about Britney as an entertainer before you picked up this book? Did you know much about her?

Biscuit: Before The Woman in Me was picked for my January book club, Britney didn’t cross my mind. Idk much about Britney before this book other than a video where she’s dressed as a young girl dancing down the school hallway. (Turns out she was a young girl).

Melanie: I didn’t care much for Britney. We grew up together, so I remember that video you’re describing — it was “Baby One More Time.” I was thirteen years old, and if the desirable girls were supposed to look like Britney, I had no shot in hell. I thought she was much more grown up than me, but it turns out she was only fifteen at the time. It was her idea to do the school girl uniform, so she did have agency, but should someone have mentioned how sexy the video was to her, perhaps let her know that it’s not quite appropriate for her age? Is it appropriate for fifteen to dress and dance like that? Plus, I was busy listening to Metallica and mooning over Lars Ulrich.

What were your feelings about the book before you started reading it?

Biscuit: I didn’t want to read it. The Sleepy Dog book club picked it. Majority rules.  I was in the minority.  I felt the book cost too much. And I thought Britney was just the celebrity of the moment. Fortunately, I could rationalize the book purchase because I’m all about supporting a small business in my community. Btw, does anyone want to buy a like new gently read book? ($10 +shipping). 🤣

Melanie: Ha, and when I picked up your book, I pointed out that the margins and spacing are huge, and the short chapters make for a lot of white on the page. Anyway, I didn’t want to read it because I’ve read enough celebrity memoirs that sound ditzy. Although I appreciate the athleticism of Abby Wambach and Carli Lloyd, both sounded like, “OMG, BFF!!!” in their memoirs. And my beloved Joan Fontaine wrote a memoir that was basically her opportunity to share who she knew and why her sister was obviously the villain of her story.

Can you talk about your training in recognizing human trafficking and why you thought it applied to Britney?

Biscuit: At a previous employment training conference, I was surprised to learn there’s two major types of human trafficking – sexual and forced labor.

According to the US Department of State website– “Forced Labor, sometimes also referred to as labor trafficking, encompasses the range of activities involved when a person uses force, fraud, or coercion to exploit the labor or services of another person.  The coercive scheme can include threats of force, debt manipulation, withholding of pay, confiscation of identity documents, psychological coercion, reputational harm, manipulation of the use of addictive substances, threats to other people, or other forms of coercion.” Britney’s father exploited Britney for financial gain at all costs, even Brittney’s physical and mental health. Her took over her finances, her children, and her life, and her mother was complicit. No joke.

Melanie: You talked a bit about a movie you saw about Elvis Presley in which the story was similar. Elvis was held financially hostage, and he died at age 42. Both Elvis and Britney were coerced into having residency at Vegas, and when Britney said she was worried her father was actually trying to kill her with the constant work, Elvis’s death came to your mind. I read more about Elvis’s death, and while some blame his diet, constipation, and numerous prescription drugs, I wonder if he would have been in such bad physical shape were someone not trafficking him. And if a conservatorship is for someone who cannot take care of themselves, why was she able to dance, sing, and do several shows weekly?

At the end of the book, how did you feel about Britney?

After reading The Woman in Me I felt strangely proud of Britney. (Remember I have no dog in this fight.)  I felt ashamed that it took all those #FreeBritney protestors to end her imprisonment. I am a big believer in no judgement and stay out of other people’s business.  But shame on us. We  all watched her abuse and did nothing. I believe her development was delayed, so even though she is doing things we think are juvenile, we need to step back and give her a chance to have a future under her own power without influence from those who would take advantage.  May the force be with Britney. 💪💪

Melanie: Britney seems to know she’s behind without knowing she’s behind. She ends the book describing things she’s done on Instagram, such as taking pictures in different outfits, and while she knows some people think it’s weird, she also wrote, “When you’ve been sexualized your whole life, it feels good to be in complete control of the wardrobe and the camera.” Even though Britney seemed to not know how to navigate intimate relationships, she was always aware of her responsibility when it came to being sexualized.

Somehow, she was in “the know,” even when she was fifteen. For example, she did a performance, and afterward Britney joined an MTV host who talked with her and filmed her reactions as another MTV employee went on the streets of New York to ask folks what they thought of Britney’s performance. Some people felt she was too sexy to be a role model, and Britney responded, “Some of them were very sweet . . . But I’m not the children’s parents.”

Overall, those moments of clarity (and an avoidance of overly-sweet sentiments or overuse of exclamation points) made the memoir very readable, and hard to put down. Now, if only people would stop scrutinizing her life to make sure she’s “really” okay since the conservatorship ended. And don’t forget that her case brought attention to conservatorships in the U.S., leading to bipartisan efforts to reform the law so a conservatorship, which should be very temporary, cannot last thirteen years unchecked.

28 comments

  1. I shares yours and Biscuit’s sentiment about not wanting to really read this book, celebrity gossip isn’t something I typically follow, but I’ve spoken to a few people who have read this book and had very similar reactions to yours. Very interesting that Biscuit sees the parallels between human trafficking and Britney’s story, gosh, it’s plain as day when framed like that – how awful. I hope she’s doing better now and can heal, but all that trauma at such a young age will be a challenge to live with.

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    • I always thought human trafficking meant forced prostitution, but the training Biscuit does at her job at a prison is about coercing money out of people, often making them do things they don’t want to.

      As far as Spears goes, it seems like now the media are just starring at her accounts and waiting for her to do something “crazy” to prove she needs a guardian.

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  2. Like you, I don’t have much interest in reading this memoir but I grew up with Britney Spears and so it’s almost impossible not to have some opinions and curiosity about her. I do think her sexualization at a young age and being forced into the spotlight have probably stunted her adulthood now – it reminds me a bit of Michael Jackson. I do hope she’s happy with her choices as she’s able to make them now.

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    • I hadn’t thought of the Michael Jackson comparison, but I think there is something to it. He was so….odd. Like a baby who was a grown man whom I couldn’t really SEE as a grown man. Spears still seems 15 to me.

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        • I’ve also heard that can happen when you enter a serious relationship. If you are married for 20 years and met when you were 18, upon divorce you start to behave like you are 18 again. I thought that sounded silly, but holy moly, I’ve seen it happen.

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          • Oh, interesting! I’ve never heard that but it makes a sort of sense. I wonder how young or old you’d have to be? I met Peter when I was 21 and we’ve been together for 16 years. I don’t think I’d revert to teenage-ness if I were suddenly single again but I can imagine that if I had to start dating there would be ways I’d revert back to 21!

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  3. I read and reviewed this book a while ago. I thought it was a really brave book and while the writing had its flaws, was a compelling read. I liked her songs in the early days and didn’t follow her career after that but I still admired her.

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    • I haven’t followed her since I was in middle school (because she was everywhere and I had no choice), although she did have some bangin’ tunes come out when I was in college, such as “Toxic,” which was always fun to dance to. I’m glad that readers, in general, are listening to the victim in this case.

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  4. Really enjoyed reading this. I’m not a Britney fan, I like her music well enough but I’ve never actively sought it out. But of course she was in the news all the time so I couldn’t help but hear all the things. The abuse she suffered from her parents and the music industry is horrific. Sadly, there are a good many female performers who have been abused. I hope she is able to find healing from her trauma and the book helps shed some light on the music industry as well as reform of conservatorship as you mentioned.

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    • I think the way she is treated by the media is not much different from what we saw happen to Princess Diana. I believe England shut that down by passing safety laws, if I remember correctly, but here that does not exist.

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  5. God luck persuading 15 year old girls not to dress sexy! That’s peak skimpy time.

    I’ve never seen or heard Britney perform, that I know. I never took much notice of what my kids were listening too, and in any case they’re a bit older than you and she. But I followed the conservatorship furore and I wish her well for the future.

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    • I’m pretty much with Bill. I knew her name because she’s just a few years older than they are and was in their ken. But I don’t think they were mad Britney followers. Certainly I was absolutely astonished when that conservatorship stuff came to light. Could. Not. Believe. It. Anyhow, all I can say is that she needs to be cut some slack, and I too wish her well for the future. But, I don’t imagine I’d ever read this book.. If my reading group wanted to do it – unlikely – I’d schedule it for a month that I’d be away! I just have too many other things I really want to read.

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    • I don’t know, I think there were a lot of us who would be happy if we could wear a sleeping bag to school when we were 15. It depends on how we felt about our bodies, how well our bodies fit into expectations, and if society praised us for showing off our bodies.

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  6. I’m with Biscuit, May the Force be with Brittney! I don’t have a dog in the fight either, but what a crazy reality she has lived. I’m glad that she was finally freed, and it is funny that kind of took fans to do it. Chris Crocker was right, free Brittney and then LEAVE HER ALONE. Let her live whatever life she feels fit, (so long as no one else is hurt) she deserves some type of peace.

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  8. I’ve been on the fence about this one! I rarely go for any sort of celeb memoir but Britney’s first album was the first CD I owned as a kid, and I’m drawn to how unique and feminist this story sounds- so glad that she finally got to a point of being able to escape and process/write about her situation! I’m not familiar with much of her music (and have watched even less than I’ve listened to), but if Biscuit was convinced to root for Britney without a dog in the fight then that should work for me too. Lovely reading the commentary, it’s helpful to see reactions from someone who wasn’t picking this up already a fan!

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