Content Warning: there are a few scenes that describe sexual situations — attempted rape, masturbation, consensual sex — but the narrator is so ignorant that she doesn’t know what’s going on and has trouble describing it. Therefore, readers know, but the details are vague at best, so it’s easy to get through these parts.
Mary Brown’s traditional fantasy novel, The Unlikely Ones, comes with a witch, knight, dragon, wizard, unicorn, talking animals, a protagonist who doesn’t really know who she is, an arduous journey, and an attempt to return home (though we all know you can’t go back again). Originally published in 1986 by Baen Publishing Enterprises, my first-edition copy has a number of typos that may be corrected in newer editions.
The novel begins by setting up several problems that will bring the characters together for a journey. A dragon’s treasure is stolen, and without it he’ll die. A unicorn is tricked into severing his horn and his prince companion is killed. A knight is cursed to wield a broken sword and rusty armor for denying a beautiful woman. These tales of woe have a common villain: the witch.
The witch possesses a girl, toad, crow, fish, and kitten. She uses them to hide a treasure — clearly stolen from the dragon — on each of their bodies in such a way that cripples them. For instance, the kitten has a large diamond embedded in her paw so she can’t run. Each has also forgotten his/her origins — part of the witch’s spell. Eventually, the knight and unicorn join the group to embark on a long Tolkienesque journey to the dragon in hopes of ending their suffering.
Mary Brown chose to add some interesting aspects to her novel. Because the witch’s five creatures are always together, they develop the ability to “think speak.” In fact, the girl (named Thing) has been doing it so long she’s practically forgotten human speech. Each animal has a unique voice, a fact that made The Unlikely Ones even more enjoyable to read aloud to my husband (yes, I do voices). Because the characters are so different, the dialogue exchanges can get quite funny. After the knight joins Thing’s group, he’s unable to get used to her name, calling her Thingy, Thingumabobby, Thingumy, and Thingamajig.
While Mary Brown gives clear indications of time passing, something screwy seems to happen: no one ages, which you’d think would be obvious given how fast kittens grow. Someone is playing with the passage of time in Thing’s reality, and it was interesting to read the lovely but painful truths of what happens when seven years catches up with them all in a second. The larger setting is something near Britannia at the dawn of Christianity. Imbolc is mentioned a few times — so possibly 500 to 1500 A.D.
I didn’t care for how often Thing mentioned she’s ugly, though instead of incessant whining, it’s a fact, and she wears a leather bag over her head. Thing is an independent person, and creatures and people listen to her. The knight doesn’t automatically attempt to usurp her authority in the hodge-podge group, either. While she’s behind her mask. Thing’s gender isn’t the focus of the story: her mental makeup is, so I appreciated that we didn’t get tasks or abilities separated by gender.
The wording seemed out of order in places. I’m not sure if this is an editing issue or an attempt by Brown to sound antiquated. It’s possible the sentences would read smoothly in one’s head, but tripped me up during to my oral antics (it’s hard to switch from ribbet-toad to soft kitten).
There was a rhythm Brown attempted to create by having each character on the journey — seven in total — do the same task. Each character is the individual brains behind a problem at one point, so there are seven mini-stories, if you will, on the journey. Each of the seven will voice opinion, or display happiness, etc. Likely, some readers will find the repetition tedious, but the deja vu factor is common in fantasy.
Currently, I’m reading another Mary Brown book, Pigs Don’t Fly, to my husband. Goodreads indicates that it is the second book in a series (I didn’t know The Unlikely Ones was the first). Set hundreds of years later, book two is not really a continuation. You could start there after reading a couple of spoilers of The Unlikely Ones on Goodreads (basically, why the main character has a unicorn ring and some gold). Already, Pigs Don’t Fly is more clearly written so, I suggest you start there instead.
Grab the Lapels 
Okay, well these books sound like tremendous fun and I have to read them immediately (though maybe I will start with the second one as you suggest). I’d never heard of them before, so thanks for bringing them to my attention! I know the covers are a bit cheesy but old-school high fantasy art is a secret love of mine, so I will strive to find the older editions 🙂
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I thought you might like them given your love of Lord of the Rings. If you do start right away with the second one let me know so I can tell you the tiny spoilers.
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Wow did this bring me back in time. I remember reading this and really enjoying it. Though I haven’t even thought about it in years and years. I am not sure if it would hold up now. Maybe. Yer post sure did make me smile thinking about it. What I remember of the second book is that it seemed like the first book was scrambled a bit and basically retold. Have no idea if that is accurate or now. Lovely post matey.
x The Captain
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Thanks, Captain! So far it seems like the characters are redone: horse/unicorn, Thing/Summer, Con/Gill, dog/crow, toad/tortoise, fish/pigeon, kitten/pig. Definitely clearer–and Summer is a fat girl! 😍
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I much prefer hard sf to fantasy but this sounds like an author having a bit of fun with the genre.
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It doesn’t detour too much from classic fantasy tropes, such as a ragtag bunch making a long journey that changes them all. And magic. Definitely magic. What fantasy have you read and enjoyed, Bill?
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Tolkien, Harry Potter. Both recently just to see what people were talking about. I liked them well enough. From years ago Anne McCaffrey – Dragonrider, and more especially The Ship Who Sang.
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Anne McCaffrey blurbed The Unlikely Ones! I had never heard of her before. What is her stuff like?
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Variable, because like most old sf writers she’s too prolific. But The Ship Who Sang is definitely worth trying.
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This doesn’t sound like my sort of thing, but I love the fact that you read aloud to your husband. That’s an endearing habit!
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I can’t remember; do you like any fantasy, Laila?
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I guess what you’d call “soft” fantasy (is that a term?) Magical elements, speculative, weird sort of stuff, but not too much world-building. I like weird things that happen in a recognizable world. Kelly Link, Neil Gaiman, etc.
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Ahhhh, Kelly Link is considered more fairy tales, but Gaiman is definitely fantasy. I don’t think you would like this book, then. It’s got more of a Conan the barbarian feel: set in the past with knights and kings, but also magicians and monsters.
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I personally hate fantasy (sorry!) but I enjoyed reading your review of this, especially the part about the kitten having a diamond embedded in his paw. This all sounds very creative and unique, which makes it somewhat appealing to me! And I have to agree with Laila, I love that you do voices and read aloud to your husband 🙂
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The second book has a Cockney dog in struggling through! 😅 It’s okay that you hate fantasy, though I wonder what you’ve read to turn you off to it. Or is it more a theme you don’t like? Some people don’t like magic because it seems to have no rules until it does.
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that’s a good question, I’m not sure what I don’t like about it actually. I know I tried reading Lord of the Rings, and hated it. I also don’t like reading stuff that’s so far off from being true to our own world, ya know?
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I tried Lord of the Rings after the movies came out (I wanted to be with the in crowd) and just did not like it. I was not surprised when I later learned Tolkien was a trained linguist, not writer, and I think that is why his writing isn’t palatable to me. Most settings in classic fantasy feel old because they have knights, but there is a lot of contemporary settings in new fantasy. There was a book set in Mexico a year or two ago that was fantasy that everyone went crazy for.
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hmmm well i’m glad to hear I’m not the only one who couldn’t get into Lord of the Rings!
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Is this the first fantasy I’ve seen you review? You do voices? I’m so intrigued right now. I’m always impressed when authors are able to juggle multiple voices. Appreciate your thoughts!
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This may be the first fantasy book I’ve reviewed, or if not the first, the first in a long time. When I found out about three years ago that I needed hearing aids, I was told that I needed to read aloud to stimulate my ear follicles. So, that is how I began reading to my husband every night. Over the years, I would give one character a unique voice while I read and everything else would be in my voice. Now, with seven unique characters, I read them all with their own voices. 😳
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That’s some real talent right there.
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I cannot decide if I want to laugh or cry after reading this review. It sounds like there are some wonderful things going for this series… but there are also some awful things. I do love me some fantasy novels, but I’ll probably pass this one over. I am intrigued– when will you read stories to me? I’d love to hear your narration! Voices can be such a challenge, I’m always so impressed by narrators who pull them off well.
Is Pigs Don’t Fly better than this book thus far? Would you recommend fantasy lovers reading this?
…Also, I think this is the first fantasy review I’ve seen on this blog! Do you read fantasy often?
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