Grab the Lapels

This is Not a Book about Benedict Cumberbatch by Tabitha Carvan

This Is Not a Book About Benedict Cumberbatch by Tabitha Carvan caught my eye just for the title. In fact, I thought it was fiction (apparently, I did not read the synopsis). Then, when I shared in my Books of Winter reading list that Caravan was forthcoming, several folks commented that I would enjoy it, as they had. Interestingly, my 2026 has started off with all nonfiction so far!

The full title of Australian author Tabitha Carvan’s book is This Is Not a Book About Benedict Cumberbatch: The Joy of Loving Something—Anything—Like Your Life Depends On It. Interestingly, I did even notice the subtitle, and I assumed this book would be about, yes, Benedict Cumberbatch. Firstly, before I move on to the review: I am not a fan girl of Benedict Cumberbatch. I think I saw some Marvel movie with my spouse, and Cumberbatch was in it? And he looks like Sid the Sloth? The only other movies of his I have seen was voice work as the dragon in the Hobbit trilogy (trilogy??) and as the titular character in Illumination’s The Grinch. Okay, so why did I buy this book? I dunno.

And yet, I was REALLY pleased with Carvan’s personal story, her relationship with Benedict Cumberbatch, and the way fandom changed her life. Carvan has lived in several countries, and at each location, she would create a blog about her experiences there—and this was before blog was even a word. As a writer, she had quite a following. Eventually, she settled in Canberra where she got married and had two children. Although her spouse sounds, in general, like a helpful, supportive individual, Carvan loses her identity to motherhood but doesn’t realize it.

That is, until Benedict Cumberbatch. Something about him wakens a dormant passion in Carvan, and not just something lusty. Instead, she’s obsessed like a teen girl over any boy band—The Beatles, Backstreeet Boys, One Direction, whatever—and feels deep shame. So, she hides it. Much later in the book Carvan reveals what her husband thinks about her obsession, so I won’t spoil that for you, but it’s an interesting component of the conversation. Does she even need to care what her husband thinks?

This Is Not a Book About Benedict Cumberbatch isn’t self-focused; Carvan interviews women in Australia, the US, and on blog forums about their relationship to the British superstar with the admittedly weird face. Women, often older than 50, admit that Cumberbatch reignited passion at its most fundamental level. Really, it has nothing to do with Cumberbatch; he was merely the vehicle, though some women argue there were no other vehicles. I appreciated hearing how similar their stories were, especially the obsessive re-watches of Sherlock, which I’ve never seen.

Although Carvan concludes that her book is about joy, I would argue it’s about shame. When a coworker decorates his cubicle obsessively with a soccer team’s logo, and has a tattoo, office mates find his obsession applaudable, while Carvan’s Benedict Cumberbatch calendar bothers everyone. The IT guy “reminds” Carvan that Cumberbatch has no idea she exists. Why are male fandoms celebrated as normal or healthy, while female fandoms are mocked and ridiculed? Recently, I asked my younger friend if she was a Twilight fan growing up, and she was somewhat apologetic about it.

Here is the beauty of Carvan’s book: I think every woman can relate to it. I started listing the fandoms of my youth (ages 10-20 are peak fandom years for girls), and they included: Big Trouble in Little China, Interview with the Vampire, Power Rangers, the Goosebumps series, and the Sweet Valley High books. Was I ashamed of my fandoms? Well, some. Goosebumps seemed to take boys and girls by storm, so they were accepted, and Big Trouble in Little China is an action film, a classic 1980s dude’s-dude movie, so that was fine, too. I find it so strange that one of my top visited blog posts is my review of the Sweet Valley Wakefield sagas. But now…I’m wondering if other readers, likely aged 50-ish (the first book was published in 1983), are out there looking for bits of info on their secret fandoms.

Although you could argue Carvan’s book (with the obscenely long title!) is for mothers trying to find themselves, not everyone she interviewed who was a “Cumberbitch” was a mother — nor am I. Women lose themselves in all kinds of ways. I distinctly remember it happening a few times, some small (such as being humiliated for liking a show or movie or music album) and others much bigger, such as the repeat shaming I experienced in grad school.

One project my senior year of high school had me deep diving into fandom only to regret my existence after my big presentation. We had read Dante’s Inferno and were tasked with creating our own levels of hell in some way. I think the goal was to consider morals. What’s bad, what’s worse. I decided to take the vampires from Interview with the Vampire and put them in hierarchical order. I obsessively reasoned out which vampire was an absolute a-hole and which was fairly harmless. I bought in the soundtrack to the movie and played it for the class, which was not cool in the era of the Dave Matthew’s Band because the CD was all moody orchestral stuff. I was really, really into it. Until I did the presentation and realized I wasn’t supposed to be. And yet the dude who smelled like weed and saw the DMB 19 times that year was really cool. Carvan convinced me that female fandoms are the problem, not fandoms in general.

I recommend everyone read This Is Not a Book About Benedict Cumberbatch. It has a self-help-ish/memoir/essay vibe though it’s useful, intelligent, and really funny. Carvan doesn’t dump zingers on us; instead, she creates a whole situation, making it difficult to include quotes that demonstrate she’s funny, because I would basically need to take a photo of a full page.

books of winter

  • Savage Inequalities: Children in America’s Schools by Jonathan Kozol
  • Monster: A Fan’s Dilemma by Claire Deder (DNF)
  • This is Not a Book about Benedict Cumberbatch by Tabitha Carvan
  • Crafting for Sinners by Jenny Kiefer
  • Deliverance by James Dickey
  • Devil’s Call by J. Danielle Dorn
  • Jaws by Peter Benchley
  • The Lost Girls by Allison Brennan (#11)
  • The New York trilogy by Paul Auster
  • The Man Who Shot Out My Eye is Dead by Chanelle Benz
  • All of Me by Venise Berry
  • At Wit’s End by Erma Bombeck
  • Minding the Store: Great Literature About Business from Tolstoy to Now edited by Robert Coles and Albert LaFarge
  • Touched by Kim Kelly
  • Uncomfortable Conversations with a Black Man by Emmanuel Acho
  • Awakened by Laura Elliott
  • The Road to Helltown by S.M. Reine (Preternatural Affairs series #9)
  • After Life by Andrew Neiderman
  • Paradise Rot by Jenny Hval
  • How to Save a Misfit by Ellen Cassidy
  • Suggs Black Backtracks by Martha Ann Spencer

24 comments

  1. Glad you enjoyed this! I agree, it had greater and broader depth than the title may imply. And as I’ve mentioned to you before, I am an unashamedly Sweet Valley High fan (and many, many other things aside) – I like what I like!

    Like

    Reply

      • So many things! From reading ‘trashy’ Jilly Cooper to watching Gossip Girl. If you can, check out Samantha Irby’s essay, ‘I Like It!’, in her collection titled Quietly Hostile – it captures a lot of what this book does, and also touches on the shame element (plus, Irby is hilarious).

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply

  2. I remember this coming out because the title is so catchy – and I do like Cumberbatch. He has an amazing face. While I can like a pretty boy, I have always gravitated to unusual faces because they seem to contain so much more.

    But my main point here is your point about shame because I think it’s a big one. I have regularly felt embarrassed about my enthusiasms through my life, often because I feel they make me seem odd, weird, not on the same page. And I still have this. It was strong when I became involved in international online reading groups in the late 1990s. I always felt slightly silly telling people about this conversation or that with people in London, Tennessee, Toronto etc because I felt that made me sound weird and perhaps unable to relate to “real” people. That wasn’t so because I’m not an introvert who hides away. It’s just that I loved the conversations we were having. The same thing happened when I started my blog. I hid it for years. Even now I don’t really like talking about it. I feel uncertain. I think there is a touch of shame in this – when you love something that no one around you really gets.

    This is a bit different to what you are talking about I think which is that gender-based thing about female enthusiasms being ridiculed while male ones, even when not applauded, are looked at far more benignly. I have this a little bit too over Jane Austen. While it’s probably more accepted than being a fan of Twilight, say, I think just “the idea” of women being a serious fan of someone or something is tinged with something just a bit judgemental. Though, as I say this, there are men who love some sort of cosplay activity and they are probably a bit judged too as weird and not quite right. As soon as you feel judged you do feel a little shame!

    Like

    Reply

    • Actually, I think your connection to blogging and having online friends is a great example. Just yesterday, a friend of mine was texting me that their friend from the UK was having mental health issues, and my friend was very concerned. They then couched their concern with lots of comments about how they know it’s not real life, friendship, blah, blah blah. I totally interrupted them and let them know that I completely understood because I have lots of international friends whom I’ve never met. I think my friends are amazing, and they teach me lots of things. Just the other day, I learned what a humpy is, thanks to Bill’s blog, haha. I do tell people about my blog because I’ve had it for so long. Whenever someone new discovers it, they seem fairly addicted. I’m not sure why. It might just be the tone with which I write, or the books about which I write, I’m not sure. After I shared that post about getting kicked out of the bookstore, some of my in-person friends are now following the blog.

      I never thought of Jane Austen as being a fandom that you might feel ashamed about. I get it, though! All the books that are retellings of Pride and Prejudice, the tea times where people dress up, when people have a marathon watch party for the Colin Firth version of the book, etc. It’s just a huge fandom, and that fandom isn’t necessarily all scholars. I think it’s people having fun. I do hope that you tell more people about your blog. You put a lot of work into it, and that is amazing. Heck, I think Bill’s family even knows who I am. One time, Milly sent me advice via Bill.

      Like

      Reply

  3. What an amazing thoughtful review. And you have convinced me to read this book. At 43, I still have my “idol obsession” as I had in my teens and it has run a while gamut – from bollywood actors to tennis players to Boybands and lately Korean actors. I think at some very critical and challenging moments of life, books and whatever current idol obsession helped me navigate through that. But now that you mentioned it, I do realise that men fandom is much more adulated and acceptable versus woman’s fanclub is always something frivolous, though why that should be is beyond me. Now I am going to try and get a copy of this one!

    Like

    Reply

    • When I was finished reading, I immediately nailed this book to my cousin, who is 36 and has three kids. She’s sort of lost herself, so it was recommended that she develop a hobby in something. I thought a fandom would be perfect! It does blow my mind that men have fantasy sport leagues, fake wrestling, was reenactment, etc and are respected for it… I think EVERYONE should be respected for their enjoyable activities.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  4. I have never, ever heard of Cumberbatch, nor Carvan. My 22 year old granddaughter says “it’s Benedict, not Bernard (‘you idiot’ is implied) and he’s very good”.

    I have been a fan of the Hawthorn (Australian Rules) Football club nearly all my life. I remember what bands I followed in my teens – maybe I was a bit obsessive about Roy Orbison. And I’m sure I was deeply in love with Dianna Rigg.

    Of my children, the closest to an obsessive fan was my youngest daughter who had Beatles photos on her walls well into her 30s. All her kids could name the faces in every photo from a very young age.

    I wouldn’t have thought fandom, or tolerance of fandom was gender based, but I’ll think about it.

    Like

    Reply

    • I think it starts when we are teens. Consider the guy who follows the Dave Matthews Band to every concert in the region is a “hardcore fan,” but if a teen girl goes to every Ani DiFranco concert in the region, she should be humiliated and dubbed a lesbian.

      I would also argue there is a difference between being a fan and demonstrating that fandom through talking about something frequently, gathering items to show your devotion, and attending events.

      The comment about your granddaughter made me laugh. I can almost hear, “Sit down before you hurt yourself, old man.”

      Like

      Reply

  5. Maybe this is a cultural difference, because football fandom has historically been so nasty in the UK that we have to have a special branch of the police just to deal with it, but I think a man whose workspace was obsessively decorated with football memorobilia *would* be regarded as a bit of a danger here. My late PhD supervisor was so obsessed with Chelsea that we could predict how he would treat us on any given day by checking their ranking in the Premier League! I have been in many fandoms over the course of my life (and am currently wearing Agents of SHIELD/Doctor Who crossover fan art on my front!). Still, I don’t really think that any adult should let anything over which they have no control dictate quite as much of their life as he did with football, or as I have seen some women do with boybands…

    Like

    Reply

    • Ah! I hadn’t thought of cultural differences. I don’t know about Australia, which is where the author is from, but in the US, I can’t think of any dangerous fandoms. I do admit that whether Notre Dame won their football game that weekend definitely dictated the spirit of the campus come Monday morning…

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      • I think the prominence of college football is another big cultural difference! I have no idea whether or when my university’s teams have won big events. On the other hand, my local football team (as in, the city team) recently played our biggest rivals for the first time in over a decade, as we were in different leagues for a long time. Before the game, the police & representatives from both teams had to do a lot of public awareness events with the theme “How Not to Stab Someone Even Though They Are From Pompey”. (I assume there were corresponding events in Portsmouth).

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply

  6. If I had to list all of my fandoms from 10-20 it would be a novel! 🤣 (To say nothing of my fandoms since then.) My NKOTB fandom in middle school brought me my best friend to this day, so something wonderful can come from intense obsessions! Anyway, I’m glad you enjoyed this as much as I did.

    Like

    Reply

  7. This sounds really interesting! It’s absolutely true that the fandoms of girls and women are seen as less. I noticed this last year when I went to the Eras Tour and people would ask me if I was a fan of Taylor Swift, as if that was an embarrassing thing to be. And I noticed how fun it was to go to something like that concert and simply embrace being a fan and enjoying something with lots of other people who enjoy it too!

    Like

    Reply

    • I remember you writing about how much you loved that concert. Consider how you went to that concert, and people looked at you kind of like you’re funny. Now consider how some dudes are so into the Lord Of The Rings trilogy that they have the wording on the inside of the One Ring tattooed on them, typically around the bicep. It’s like the Tolkien version of barbed wire.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  8. I’m trying to think of things that I’ve become obsessed with over the years, and only a few come up: the base player of the band silverchair, Lil’Bub the wonky internet cat, Murder She Wrote. I tend to look back on these things with fondness, and I was never shamed for them, but I also never leaned really hard into anything. Books are probably my number one focus haha

    I’m not a huge Cumberbatch fan either, but I did just finish watching the Roses last night, which was very funny. Olivia Coleman is in it too and she’s delightful

    Like

    Reply

Leave a reply to louloureads Cancel reply