Grab the Lapels

Sunday Lowdown #247

THIS WEEK IN REFLECTION

I used my own advice from the past and jotted down notes throughout the week of things I want to discuss in my Lowdown post. It’s always so much easier when I’m thinking of my future self.

thanks, me!

Early in the week I received a letter from the big umbrella company under which my doctor works. The letter said my doctor is leaving and gave information on how to transfer medical records. The second letter in the envelope was from my doctor (and copied to all her patients, not to me personally). She explained that she was tired of dealing with insurance companies and was moving to a practice that does not accept insurance. That’s all well and good that she wants to be able to have patients get tests that the insurance company would deny, creating a stronger connection to her patients. But this is America. Without insurance, she has priced out everyone who isn’t wealthy.

Interestingly, several months back I wrote to Lou @ Lou Lou Reads, who is both my friend and a nurse, about when to break up with a medical provider. You see, when I received my doctor’s letter, I was actually relieved that I had an excuse to move on. While she was a fine, caring doctor, I never really connected with her as a person. That seems like a silly reason to break up a fourteen year relationship. But I was relieved.

Surprisingly, the University of Notre Dame, where my husband works, tries to make everything available on campus so you have no reason to leave. Students live on campus in what is basically a small city (cafes, restaurants, gyms, pools, clubs, apartment-like dorms, etc.) to lure them away from wanting to go off campus. This same approach applies to faculty/staff and their medical care. The wellness center for faculty and staff include medications and hygiene products only slightly above cost, free vaccines, doctor’s visits for about $15, a nutritionist, physical therapist, counselors, pharmacy, etc., most of it free.

This is where I get my weekly allergy shot — for free. The nurse who does the shots is full of knowledge — such as how to find a new doctor. When I said I was thinking of trying a doctor at the wellness center, she empowered me to try a doctor, and if I’m not feeling it, to change. No harm, no foul. She also explained that because all these medical folks are in one building, they work together closely. So, I could see a doctor, who walks me to the pharmacist for help understanding a medication, who then refers me to the nutritionist, etc. I’m finally at an age and level of confidence when I feel empowered to say “no, this isn’t right for me” and to advocate for myself.

Speaking of advocating for myself, I met with the head of the kinesiology department at my university and convinced her to let me take both gym and wellness in the summer. She seemed hesitant at first, but then I realized she was worried that I could not cover the cost for two credits because you can’t get financial aid unless you have twelve credits. I explained the whole point was to stay under full-time status because that’s when the tuition level jumps up so high. So, I’m pretty proud that not only am I advocating for me, I am also frugal (that is not a negative term!). Summer tuition is the cheapest you can do.

Lastly, I’ve been listening to The Evolution of Horror podcast and catching up on the back catalog. It’s taken me two years, but I’m finally to the time during which the pandemic is coming. So, the host is interviewing guests in January and February of 2020, and they’re describing all the wonderful film projects coming that summer, with zero clue of what is about to hit. Now, I’ve started the “Mind and Body Horror” collection, and the host keeps asking his guests if they are just sitting around during lockdown watching loads of horror movies. Then it dawned on me: why didn’t I sit around watching loads of horror during lockdown???

This was one of those moments when I realized just how much my life had changed. It was during the lockdown that I first decided Fridays would be Spooky Movie Night because that was when Nick first played poker via Zoom with his friends across the country and I needed something to do. Sure, I was a horror lover from way back, but now I watch horror pretty much exclusively. I had joined Huntsville Horror, a group that meets weekly on Discord to talk about a movie, and I’ve since met these people in real life. I started a book club in that group, and my eagerness for horror novels increased, leading me to read more subgenres: witches, zombies, possessions, folk horror, psychopathic killers, werewolves, etc. Basically, something that was deep inside me came out during lockdown, and now I’ve firmly got a freak flag flying.

Also, Biscuit and I talked about this: we think it’s easy to look back “fondly” on lockdown as a time when someone of us really should have enjoyed ourselves, because we could. But the reality was we could not. There was constant anxiety, especially for her, who had never had a lockdown. Would we get sick, from whom would we get sick, would we die, would we accidentally kill grandma if we were sick and had no symptoms, how to navigate people at work who thought (think) COVID is fake, etc. There was just too much fear — real horror — to “enjoy” ourselves during lockdown.

IT DIDN’T MAKE IT TO GRAB THE LAPELS

N/A

THIS WEEK’S BLOG POST

For the most part, readers commented on my Hungry Heart review their reaction to Jennifer Weiner’s fight against sexism in publishing, specifically the term “women’s fiction.” In the past I taught a class I called “domestic fiction,” which included both male and female authors. Perhaps the subject of the book should be the genre, not the assumed audience. Also, covers can do a good deal of harm. It’s hard to read Sex and The City if the cover has a pink shoe on it because people will assume you’re reading “women’s fiction” (i.e., “trash”). But have you read Sex and The City? It’s pretty dark at times. I should re-read and review it.

NEXT WEEK’S BLOG POST

Speaking of “women’s fiction,” what is this trend of covers for books by women and aimed at women readers being faceless -cartoony? Again, my complaint often lies in the cover trends for books that scream “ONLY WOMEN READ ME!” In the 90’s it was a color palette of neon (green, pink, blue) and specific objects (high heel, cupcake, lipstick). Anyway, if you want to read something for the season but don’t want to be scared even a little bit, then The Very Secret Society of Irregular Witches by Sangu Mandanna might be for you. Review Wednesday.

BOOKS I BOUGHT

Books I paid for (that are not textbooks) since January 2023: totaling $43.28

BOOKS ADDED TO THE TBR PILE

A Goodreads blog post ruined my TBR. Also, thanks to Sue @ Whispering Gums for introducing me to Shirley Hazzard.

31 comments

  2. I’m so glad you are pleased to have been introduced to Shirley Hazzard! Thanks for the thanks.

    The stuff about your doctor is awful. That it should come to that. This is why you need national health. We still have issues where some tests or medications aren’t covered by the government scheme, and some that might not be covered under health insurance because we have that too, but the differential isn’t I think anything like you explain. I’m not sure I really like Notre Dame’s philosophy of keeping every one in (though I like the fact that they provide medical/health services for their community) because it’s not necessarily good to be so insular? What do you think?

    And, good on you for advocating for yourself. It’s not a skill I’m wonderfully good at, and I’m old.

    Oh, and about lockdown. I look back with some fondness, particularly of our second longest one in 2021, because both my parents had died by then so I didn’t have to worry about them managing, or them getting sick, or my managing helping them with all the rules, etc. And, I wasn’t overly worried about dying myself, as I think I’m generally healthy. But I do wonder why I didn’t read more. What happened? Mr Gums and I did Tai Chi zoom classes, went out most days to get our takeaway coffee, went for our allowed walk, and, here’s the real kicker, I realise, watched may too much tv press conferences and news programs about the pandemic. The hardest part was not being able to see our kids in Melbourne for a almost 6 months.

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    • I see what you mean about Notre Dame’s insularity being worrisome. On the other hand, part of their goal is to retain faculty and staff through the best there is to offer, so by rounding the wagons, we get a lot of stuff free from well-trained, caring staff. Back when they said you had to have a special note to get birth control, I felt differently, but since ND sued the government, won, and chose to provide birth control, things have been smooth sailing. It’s almost like they’re providing some version of nationalized medical care, but only for ND employees/dependents.

      As for lockdown, I did not see Biscuit and Dad for a year because there were no vaccines here for that long. We had to wait by ages, so it took a while to get to us, plus it was two shots, and you had to wait a while for it to become effective. So far, it was the only Thanksgiving and Christmas we’ve missed with family.

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      • Worrisome is perhaps too strong a word because I do understand the point and value but I just wanted to note I suppose that there are two sides to these things. It does sound like a progressive university.

        A year is a long time. We didn’t see our Melbourne family for about six months, but that was more for lockdown reasons in Melbourne than for lack of vaccines.

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  3. I don’t really have a doctor. There’s one I can try to make an appointment with, but usually I get her nurse practitioner, which is fine; I don’t really know her anyway. When I need something, I go to a minute clinic or urgent care.
    The fall before the lockdowns, my son moved across the country, so far he has to fly to visit, and so we didn’t see him for more than a year. It didn’t seem like he was moving that far away when he planned it, and now–still in reaction to that time–he and my prospective daughter-in-law are planning a move back to the east coast so we can drive to see each other.

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    • Do you not retain a doctor simply for a yearly check up? Or is that something that you don’t do? I’m just curious. I suppose there’s some part of me that feels obligated to an unknown entity to do a yearly check up and 6 month dental cleaning.

      I did not see my parents for over a year. We did lots on video and that is how Biscuit and I started our book club. But other than that, it was no physical contact. Due to timing, I ended up having two Zoom birthdays. When will your son and future DIL move closer to you?

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      • I get my teeth cleaned and checked every six months, but I don’t always get a yearly check with a GP now that I’m no longer taking birth control pills (which required me to get a yearly pap smear from the age of 20 to 50). I have to get a yearly x-ray at the orthopedist for my replaced knees and a yearly phone call with the sleep doctor to keep my CPAP machine going. The only prescription medicine I take is allergy eye drops, so I have to see someone at my GP’s practice once a year for something or the hospital system will drop me from her rolls. They did that to my husband, who is also pretty healthy so far, and he never tried to go back so he doesn’t have a GP doctor. I’ve had a checkup a few times but they try to schedule all kinds of lab work and expensive scans and tell me to lose weight and I can do without all that if I’ve been in that year for anything else.

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        • The end of your comment really hit me. I think women can be held hostage to a doctor if they takes birth control pills because you can’t just get them on your own. And you’re right: it leads to the inevitable tests, scans, weight shaming, quizzing on diet and exercise, etc. It’s an exercise in humiliation just to get some medicine. I’m hoping my new doctor hears out what my health goals are stops pushing whatever general idea about health is. Thanks for this comment; it resonates with me.

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  4. Isn’t it wild listening to podcasts from back just before and during lockdown? I’ve got a couple that I’m digging into past shows and the anxiety and uncertainty all comes crashing back.

    Good for you in advocating for your medical needs! I hope you find a care provider you like! It took me years to find a GP I like. Whenever I thought I had found one, they would leave the network a few months later.

    I see you added Transit of Venus to your TBR. It’s a fantastic book!

    Also, I watched Ready or Not Friday night in my post COVID vaccine misery and it was not scary and kind of funny and perfect for how I was feeling 🙂

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  5. Isn’t it wild listening to podcasts from back just before and during lockdown? I’ve got a couple that I’m digging into past shows and the anxiety and uncertainty all comes crashing back.

    Good for you in advocating for your medical needs! I hope you find a care provider you like! It took me years to find a GP I like. Whenever I thought I had found one, they would leave the network a few months later.

    I see you added Transit of Venus to your TBR. It’s a fantastic book!

    Also, I watched Ready or Not Friday night in my post COVID vaccine misery and it was not scary and kind of funny and perfect for how I was feeling 🙂

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    • I’m so glad you liked Ready or Not! I wasn’t sure you would because it does have a lot of exploding bits/blood. I commented more on your blog post about the movie.

      It’s so confusing that doctors don’t like dealing with insurance, and they don’t like the government telling people what to do with their bodies, and there is little they can do. They went to medical school, not conservative school, or republican school. The whole “in-network” thing is frustrating and complicated.

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  6. My GP retired at the beginning of the year and appears to have sold his practice to a couple of younger women (your age). I get on with them ok and I prefer to go to a sole practitioner rather than an impersonal clinic. Tomorrow I go in for my free Shingles vaccine. Hopefully, I will survive.

    I don’t remember reading more, or less, during lockdown, just not being able to visit my kids and grandkids for a year, because as an interstate traveller I was always in quarantine.

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    • In the US it’s common to se a nurse practitioner instead of your own doctor because your doctor is too busy to see you. There were times in my early 20s when I did not see my own doctor for years. This current doctor was the only person I ever saw in 14 years other than a nurse on one occasion. I can see why you would want a direct connection.

      Biscuit got her Shingles shots, and based on her experience, it sounds a lot like the COVID vaccine to me. Some people suffer terribly, others watch a movie and eat ice cream and are off again lickety-split.

      One memory that sticks out to me from lockdown was the number of times you suffered that gold-standard COVID test. I thought for sure your brain would puddle out your nose eventually. How awful. I didn’t see Biscuit and Dad for over a year.

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  7. Good on ya for becoming more empowered, especially around medical stuff! I’m not quite there yet, but working towards it. I find it challenging advocating for myself sometimes because I’m such a rule follower and don’t want to be seen as difficult, but logically, I see how silly that fear is. Sigh.

    I also hate the cartoony women’s fiction covers, and can’t wait until we emerge from that. At this point though, they seem like they are everywhere!

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  8. I’m glad you feel like you are on a good path to finding a new doctor. Self-advocacy is so huge in navigating the medical system. Is it easy to get a new doctor where you are? We have a major doctor shortage where I live so if you have a doctor, you don’t necessarily have the luxury of breaking up with them because you might not find a new one. On the other hand, we don’t have to worry about the complications of insurance.

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    • My city is big enough that there are a lot of doctors of different mind-sets (lifestyle, homeopathic, wholistic, etc.). Are you able to travel a bit for a doctor? Like if all you needed was a yearly check up, perhaps you could drive an hour away?

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      • I have a terrific doctor that I hope never retires. He’s a busy guy so it takes a while to get an appointment with him so anything last minute I usually see another doctor at the clinic or a locum. But he always follows up via phone or text and his continuity of care is fantastic.

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  9. Bravo for advocating for yourself with the college! (Clap emoji!)

    Good luck with the doctor situation.

    I enjoyed the Very Secret Society of Irregular Witches. That’s about my Halloween literary speed, LOL.

    I actually like the cartoon-y covers of lots of contemporary fiction/romance. Much better than the previous heaving bosom covers, ha ha! As someone who’s worked in a library for so long, I have observed that there is a divide in what men read and what women read – in general. (There will always be exceptions.) And it doesn’t really matter too much what the cover looks like, some men will only read male authors and vice versa. But women are more likely to read a male author than a man is likely to read a female author- and I speak GENERALLY and from observation so please don’t be mad, anyone!

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    • There are some famous male authors that men love to read, like John le Carre or James Patterson. I wonder what would happen if all books published were only allowed to be put out with the author’s first and middle initial and last name. Then, how would the cover artist make decisions? Would it be solely content? I learned in college most cover artists never read the book.

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  10. That’s all very interesting about the doctor situation, in both your post and the comments. Here in the UK, I have a nominal doctor, i.e. one that gets named in relation to hospital stuff etc. but I belong to a practice which has loads of doctors (one partner, some salaried, locums and then university medical students on rotation), and that’s part of a collection of practices, so when you get offered Covid jabs it could be across the city in their other cluster. I can’t really pick who I see, because there are so few appointments available, so there’s little continuity of care. Then, of course, when I had something embarrassing to deal with, I got the one GP I have known for 18 years and know slightly socially through running!

    And frugal is good, I highly approve! I’m so glad you got the gym/wellness situation sorted out.

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  11. I remember specifically that Moth could not enjoy lockdown. While it was a good time to get to all those things you tell yourself you would do, given the time, time was spent keeping up with the news and all the horrors that involved. Which, like you said, just led to massive amounts of anxiety. And now that that is over, she wishes she had done more stuff. But it was SUCH a tough position for people no matter what you were doing. It was a scary ass time. I do miss having a really good excuse not to go places and do things though. 😛

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