If you look at the cover and title of co-authors Julie Murphy and Sierra Simone’s book, you’d make some assumptions about it: warm, fuzzy, festive. You’d be wrong.

It all starts with Uncle Ray-Ray, who has his own company creating adult films. But, he’s got two kids, so he’s trying to make more money, which he figures he can do it he breaks into a market that he assumes would be oblivious to porn: the kind of people who watch Christmas movies on the Hallmark Channel. Porn and those Christmas movies are similar, he figures. They both have short filming schedules, are predictable, and everyone is happy in the end. The key is to never letting his porn business and Christmas business meet. Let me be clear: the authors never write “Hallmark Channel,” but it’s obvious this is what we’re talking about here.

But a freak accident at Burning Man leaves the leading lady and several crew members of Uncle Ray-Ray’s (sorry, Teddy’s) first Christmas film, Duke the Halls, in lurch. It starts filming in a few days! Teddy meets with the director to show her headshots of other actors who auditioned for the leading lady, but a porn star’s headshot accidentally made its way into the wrong file. The director is intrigued by the confidence on the actor’s face (never mind her bare breasts), and this is how we get Bee, alias Bianca von Honey, in a squeaky clean Hallmark film.

Bee arrives in Christmas Notch, a town that is all Christmas, all year, so it can be used as the setting for every Christmas movie to hit the faux Hallmark Channel. People actually live and work at the North Pole (a strip club), the Dirty Snowball (a local bar), Frosty’s Diner, and Edelweiss Inn. Teddy has warned (threatened?) Bee that no one can know she’s an adult film star and has an (again, made up name, but basically) Only Fans account. Her co-star? Nolan Shaw.

Nolan Shaw, now aged 31, used to be in a famous boy bad. Each member had his own “thing,” and Nolan was the “bad boy.” He had a horrible reputation as what kids these days all a “fuckboy.” A shady manager caused the group to lose their money, so now Nolan is struggling to support his teenaged sister and mother, who has bipolar disorder. He needs money to pay insurance premiums, and his manager has assured him that all his past follies will be forgotten if he changes his image. Like, Hallmark-squeaky-clean change his image.

It’s no surprise to learn that Bee, age 24, was a huge fan of Nolan’s band when she was in high school and had a crush on him, or that Nolan has been a loyal, top-tier subscriber to Bianca von Honey’s Only Fans account. Let the sexual tension commence! It doesn’t help that Teddy replaced the injured crew members with folks from Uncle Ray-Ray productions, so you get this lovely blend of porn and Christmas. When asked if she is a vegetarian or is she okay with eating chili cheese fries in one scene, Bee says, “I’m a failed vegetarian. Maybe it’ll stick one day.” The prop master, replies, “You don’t have to swallow. . . . You can spit if you need to. Just take a bite for the money shot.” If that made you cringe, consider there a lot of porn references in A Merry Little Meet Cute. I’m just trying to let you know what you’re in for.

Circling back to what I said in my first sentence: this book has loads of explicit sexual content and language. The cover certainly allows you to read this smoldering goodness on the bus without judgment, but you’ll be eyeballing the folks around you, wondering if you’re really getting away with it. As I was reading, I kept thinking, This reminds me so much of Misadventures of a Curvy Girl! Silly me, I read the authors’ bios and realized Sierra Simone is the author of Misadventures. Her co-author, Julie Murphy, is better known, having written Dumplin’, among others. So yes, Bee is a fat character, and it is handled exceptionally in Simone’s and Murphy’s hands. The story isn’t about her body, but her body is never forgotten or invisible.

I assumed early on (like, page 25…) that A Merry Little Meet Cute would be incredible predictable, but I was pleasantly surprised for one important reason: the characters never get mad at each other due to lack of communication. The minute something comes up, they tell each other. So refreshing! Instead, the conflict is whether Bee and Nolan can be together and still continue their careers in the (not adult) film industry, Bee because she doesn’t want Duke the Halls to wind up in the trash for being too risky to release to streaming and Nolan because he needs to support his family financially.

Throughout, the writing is funny and modern. For instance, before filming a scene for Duke the Halls, Bee has to hype herself up, for she is required to ride a horse, the one animal she fears. To be calm, she tells herself, “They’re like the animal kingdom’s big derpy version of Fabio.” So really, you get cleverness that isn’t dirty, too, creating a nice balance throughout.

Maybe this isn’t the Christmas post you expected, but Merry Christmas nonetheless!